Archive | August 2013

How to Develop a Loving Relationship with Yourself: Give Yourself a Gift!

Know yourself. Honor yourself with every choice that you make!

First remember that…..

Because I am the only person I will have a relationship with all of my life, I choose:

  • To love myself the way I am now

  • To always acknowledge that I am enough just the way I am

  • To love, honor, and cherish myself

  • To be my own best friend

  • To be the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with

  • To always take care of myself so that I can take care of others

  • To always grow, develop, and share my love and life

Then consider A Daily Reminder and Set Your Intention for Your Life so you can BE A LAMP UNTO YOURSELF!

Start where you are…because you can’t be anywhere else….

Celebrate the fact that you have opened up yourself to explore these areas. For me, this was the pivotal area of lasting recovery and change. Just losing weight or being alcohol and drug free did not bring healing or complete inner harmony. So how do we achieve this? First start by cultivating true wisdom and discernment (applying The Serenity Prayer) and developing compassion.


Here are some articles and recordings that explore the various factors that help us, step-by-step,

create a more friendly and unconditional relationship with ourselves:

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As you explore all of these universal truths, consider the key messages to cultivate a “diet of self love” for yourself.
Facebook posters and key messages: and
also see my YouTube video:

Learn how to develop your own inner loving voice for yourself:

Explore loving kindness meditations--learn to befriend ourselves: (see examples below)

Learn how to transform the self punishing inner voice:

Learn non-violent communication with yourself:

Discover ways to love your body–right now!!.htm

To consider how long it takes to change our present experience visit Out of the Darkness, Into the Light. Trust. Have Hope!

What Does It Look Like When Things Are Going Well? What Am I Doing?

Loving-Kindness: Learn to Befriend Ourselves, Others, and Our Experiences


Through our attitudes and choices we create our reality.

Perhaps you’ve momentarily forgotten your own inner loveliness. Take a few minutes to step out of your present despair and discouragement and allow yourself to cultivate a warm and gentle feeling for yourself. This will help you emotionally flower and blossom from within.

Start and prepare yourself—by opening up your heart—calming and clearing your mind. Consider spending a few minutes with breathing meditation. Use these phrases when self-criticism arises in your life and you find that one part of your mind wants to beat up on you. There’s truth in the saying that I heard at a 12-step meeting, “I was walking down the street and my mind mugged me!” Transform the Self-punishing Inner Voice

KINDNESS TIGERBegin with loving aspirations for yourself and all other people. Be gentle and tender. With warmth consider:

Let all the love in, just like a pleasant breeze on a really hot day. As you do, many small shifts in self acceptance occur until an inner welling up of love for yourself happens…ah…ooh…yum!

 “Peace be to my mind, let all my thoughts be still.”

Go slow. Take Time to Really FEEL These Statements.

Plant the seeds of intention and trust nature will take its course.


May I water the seeds of loving-kindness in the “green house” of my being.


Whatever mind states I water…are what grows!

I am committed to finding the road to freedom!

· May I remember that I am safe.  I am cared for.  I am loved and all is well in my world…ah.

· May I soften towards myself.

· May I honor my whole being.

· May I love all of who I am.

· May I be present to and accepting of myself.

· May I live with ease.

·  May I accept myself exactly as I am and as I am not.


· May I learn about my strengths.

· May I be kind to me and others.

·May I let go of thoughts of self-judgment and fears of being inadequate and not measuring up.

·May I become an intimate, kind, and friendly force for myself. I intend with my whole being to cultivate and grow a heart that is intimate with my life and all of life.

·May I receive all the love and tenderness–multiplied numerous times–that I give to others.


·May I free my heart from all suffering, pain, and distress.

·May I release myself from all that would harm me or my relationship with other people.

·May I celebrate my life!

·May I experience deep, true affection (attention) from all people and may I give deep, true affection (attention) to all people.

·May I deeply know I am loved and that I AM love!


·May I be completely present in my own life.

·May I take time to marvel at the tiny violet that creeps up through a crack in the pavement, as it reminds me of the tenacious persistence of life.

·May I know that I am worthy to experience complete self-love and affection.

·May I experience inner and outer abundance in every area of my life.


·May I (and all people) have mental happiness and be in touch with my own loveliness!

·May I relate skillfully to the torments of my mind that arise.

·May I be peaceful and contented.

·May I be liberated and experience freedom.

·May I remember the universal kindness which surrounds me at every moment.

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·May I experience giggles and tickles of playfulness–to take things lightly and not be SO serious!

·May I take time to read the love letters sent by the snow and the rain, the sun and the moon, the trees, creeks, birds, frogs, bugs, and the pungent delight of lovely flowers!

·May I have physical happiness—the enjoyment of health, freedom from physical pain—and live in harmony with my body, mind, and spirit.

·May I receive any pain with friendliness and patience, thereby not transform physical pain into mental  torment.

·May I be healthy and be healed of any dis-ease.

·May I make a “friend of my body” and treat it like a beloved pet.

·May I know that I am worthy to experience complete self-love and affection and that there is no one on earth who is more deserving of love than me.

·May everyone release from all that harms them or others.

·May I readily experience friendship with myself (all of me)…a great embrace…ah.

·May I be on my own side and not betray me any more. Betrayal stops now!

· May all beings have the conditions to come to freedom!

· May all beings benefit from the merits of my practice today.

(Many of these thoughts are typical Buddhist phrases and I added additional ones. They encourage kindness towards ourselves and others)

Suggestions For the Use of Loving-Kindness Phrases

Grow, grow!

Consider the more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others. Cultivate the intention: I choose the path of kindness!

When you are at peace with yourself and love yourself, it is virtually impossible to be self-destructive. Cultivate the intention: I love myself (as I am and as I am not) — in body, mind, and spirit.

Consider the state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind. Cultivate the intention: I develop a positive state of mind!

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May all people have ease of mind.

May all people have comfort of heart.

May all people abide in love and compassion.

As you begin your journey of self-exploration, I encourage you to practice kindness—to be kind to the being that lives inside of your skin!

Check out articles that provide support and insights:
On my website:

If You Would Grow – Shine The Light Of Loving Self-Care On Yourself

If you would grow to your best self

Be patient, not demanding

Accepting, not condemning

Nurturing, not withholding

Self-marveling, not belittling

Gently guiding, not pushing and punishing

For you are more sensitive than you know

Mankind is as tough as war yet delicate as flowers

We can endure agonies but we open fully only to warmth and light

And our need to grow is as fragile as a fragrance Dispersed by storms of will

To return only when those storms are still

So, accept, respect, attend your sensitivity

A flower cannot be opened with a hammer.

Daniel F. Mead

For a PDF version of this lovely poem: If You Would Grow.pdf

Nurturing nibbles posters:

Meditation—Why and How—Cleanse and Train The Mind

  Learning How to Clean Up Your Mind


Learning this skill helps you free yourself from self-destructive compulsions.

Discover the art of mental self-control.


Sometimes our minds become overheated!

We all recognize the value in taking care of our bodies.  We cleanse, feed, and clothe them; and we provide for adequate shelter; and we are at least aware of the need for and value of regular exercise to our health and well-being. Whenever our body gets sick, we try to figure out what went wrong and get something to fix it, if possible.

Rarely do we take time to attend to our minds. Everything is mind-made, yet we frequently take our minds totally for granted. Mind-made means that everything (our experience of life) is MADE in our minds. Our thoughts occur in response to outer and inner events. First, there is the event—then there occurs instantaneously our REACTION to it.

Our reaction is based on our FILTERS, which are our opinions, beliefs, evaluations, conclusions. The feeling tone that we experience is sculpted by our inner views—really made in our minds!

Our thoughts over time form patterns of thinking or habits of mental reactions. Examples are thoughts of joy and contentment, love, compassion or happiness or perhaps impatience, pessimism, sadness or cravings.

Our response to what happens in our world starts in our mind—with our thoughts—and is expressed in our actions. See the Various Meditation section on: Mind is the Source of Happiness and Pain and The Nature of Mind: What is it? Where is it? Also, Make Your Mind An Ocean.

The first thing that we need to do with our minds is to “clean them up!” Just like our houses, if we don’t occasionally take time to organize our things and throw things out that are no longer needed, over time our minds become very cluttered.


What mind has put in mind, only mind can clean out. The more we practice thinking in a certain way, the more habitual that way of thinking becomes. It feels normal and natural—it becomes a habit of mind.

Meditation allows us to notice the content of the thoughts floating through our minds. During meditation we learn to drop—from the mind—what we do not want to keep.


· Just drop the inner dialog or story—that is, we perhaps focus on the breath coming in and going out, and when we lose our focus on the breath, we just immediately come back when we catch ourselves lost in fantasy, planning the future or worrying about the past—that is, we just let go of the story line—the content of the thoughts. 

· We can also label thoughtslike thinking, remembering, worrying, and planning.

We just step back and look at them. When thoughts arise, we just gently observe them. We practice just noticing them, trying not to judge them.

This process takes lots of repetition, since for most of us our minds are undisciplined. Our thoughts wander off in all directions—compulsive planning, worrying, fantasies about many things. We have to train our minds to STOP…to drop the content of our thoughts—and to come back to the present moment. It takes bringing our mind back again and again to the object of meditation (such as the breath, a word, a sound, or even walking with awareness).


Meditation is really like doing push-ups or weight training for the mind—it gives the mind muscle to perform the valuable skill to do what you want it to do—rather than always being carried along by out-of-control thoughts. Mental strength comes from working against the resistance of undisciplined thoughts—until we finally gain enough mental potency to stop our train of thoughts mid-thought. We can then direct our minds where we want them to go, rather than going wherever they take us! 

· Through the practice of abiding in a calmer state—we cease the torrent of chattering thoughts. Over time we can achieve a serenely settled state of mind. Ah…

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On a personal note: I take time every day to meditate.  I’ve discovered that for my best emotional health, that it is most effective if  also make time for a meditation retreat that lasts from 2-7 days about every 3 months. What I have discovered is that I become more and more reactive to the world around me. I start to believe my interpretations and views and notice that my state of inner peace and calm diminishes step by step…gradually…and a retreat helps me “reboot” my inner computer, provides perspective about life’s adventures and challenges, and helps me to restore my sense of inner calm and well being. At the bottom of the Meditation section of my site it lists many retreat centers and meditation resources. The resources also discuss various ways to meditate and share its benefits.

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The Nature of Mind: What is it? Where is it?

Benefits of meditation

Discover other ideas at: