Life presents us with many opportunities to learn and grow (challenges), which vary from one person to another, depending on family, location of birth, and personality characteristics. On close examination of these challenges, we frequently notice patterns.
My inner torment lessened and my inner peace increased as I became aware of the patterns of experiences that seem to repeat in my life. Reframing these difficult life experiences as learnings and rich growth opportunities helped me put them into perspective. It is also very helpful to cultivate the view that this is more like a game, something that you enjoy doing and have FUN with your discoveries.
Frolic in: CELEBRATING The Simple Joys Of Life!, May I Say YES to My Wild and Precious Life!, CELEBRATE Healthful Eating! Yum! Make It FUN. Make It Colorful!, The Power of Fun: Celebrate Enjoyable Ways To Be Active!,Be Happy!, Prescription for Well-Being!
Working with Chronic Lessons
Some of life’s opportunities to grow and learn that seem to repeat over and over for me:
1. An extremely compulsive personality, which is very passionate about life and is easily carried away by anything pleasurable: food, drugs, and alcohol—anything that feels good. One part of me wants more and more and more…and more.
TRANSFORMATIVE WISDOM: When Society Becomes An Addict!, Reasons To Eat, Understand Your Brain Chemistry, Food Cravings and How it Influences Your Body Weight, The World Of Craving and Addiction Offers Me Nothing That I Want. Good Bye!, and Rules For Being Human.
2. World codependency—I feel I am a “big mother with a beard.” I care about the whole world and deeply wish our human family would just get along and quit fighting with your brothers and sisters! Get a grip, just get with it! I also can let the earth’s sufferings affect my emotional health—allowing me to feel despondent, frustrated, and cynical. A part of me wants to shut down emotionally and run away and really hates being human—with all of its sufferings and pain. Since many of my friends and family have numerous challenges, I can easily get trapped into taking on their problems as my own, getting discouraged and wanting to “numb out.” That part of me also wants to fix everyone and make them do the things to get better. I know intellectually that it’s not my job to fix the world, but that part of me forgets and suffers when other people suffer. I then get very sad, frustrated and pessimistic and lose perspective. Through therapy I know that part came about from wanting to fix a chronically un-fixable family. I know I have continually had to remind myself to regain a healthy perspective. Over time I’ve gotten much better.
TRANSFORMATIVE WISDOM: Thoughts on Healing & Helping, Relax, Observe, and Allow, Emotional—Spiritual Tune-up, Out of Hell, Into Freedom Thoughts, When Helping You Is Hurting Me, Do You Experience Overwhelming Circumstances and Can’t Achieve a Healthier Weight?, and What Is Life About? Heart Advice!
3. A part of me wants no limits. I want to be able to do everything! My brain and heart dream up commitments that my body can’t keep! I can easily find my self overwhelmed and exhausted and a part of me screams out, I don’t want to take a nap! I just hate being human with all of my limitations. Why can’t I do everything that I want to do?
TRANSFORMATIVE WISDOM: Essential Skills–#2 Cultivating Balance In Your Life, and Cultivating Your Spiritual Well-Being,
4. I love all of life, but there is just too darn much of it! Life in America seems way too busy for me. I work only part time, but with all the things it takes to be healthy in body, mind and spirit, I find my attending to all of life’s opportunities and responsibilities can easily push me out of balance. I like to take time to gawk at trees, flowers, birds, and people, and really enjoy the sacred wonders of life. I don’t want to feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off!
TRANSFORMATIVE WISDOM: Cultivate Balance In Your Life, Resources to Help Guide Your Life Back to a Greater Balance, Celebrate Personal Quiet Time—Spiritual Connection, Meditation—Why and How—Cleanse and Train The Mind, and Make Your Mind an Ocean: Become Your Own Therapist!
Diagram: Parts (polarities) of Bob Wilson—An Ecosystem
(From my diary)
I feel at times that I’m on the board of directors of a large corporation! Each of the different parts of me wants different outcomes. Gradually I have learned to listen respectfully to each of the voices, practice “win-win” conflict resolution, and come up with more skillful responses for the situations in which I find myself.
In my personality I’m aware of two especially strong polarities—the saint and the slut (very sensual and passionate). The saint part is extremely kind, thoughtful, and balanced and sees the value of discipline. The slut part wants everything—food, drugs, sex and alcohol—everything to excess with no limits—gets really over extended and numbed out.
When the saint mentions to the slut “You know, this may not be the best thing to do,” the slut says “Oh, shut up! I’m having a really great time. Don’t bug me.” So I have to have a “conference call” between the two parts. They both talk it out and express their two perspectives. Gradually the wisdom of the saint has helped moderate the slut part and I have learned about the strong tendencies I have to follow certain unhealthy patterns. I have developed practical strategies to keep myself more in balance.
As I learn the lessons that life brings to me, I grow toward ever-greater joy and freedom!
Take a peek at: What Is Life About? Heart Advice
- Voice Dialogue: You are not one, but many. Check out the website: http://voicedialogueinternational.com/index.htm and frequently asked questions: http://voicedialogueinternational.com/FAQ-index/index.htm
Voice Dialogue is the basic method for contacting, learning about, and working with the many selves that make up each of us.
- The Psychology of Selves provides a clear explanation of how these selves operate in your life and how they keep you from realizing your full potential.
Learn how these selves determine the way you see the world, control your behavior, and limit your choices. Most of us live a much smaller life than necessary. Learn to be more than any one of your individual selves.
- Relationship: Our relationships are controlled by these selves.
The Stones’ approach to relationship – their theory of bonding patterns – provides an easy to understand technology of relationship. Learn how the difficulties in your relationships can be the source of creative change, of greater control over your life and behavior, and more joy.